Finance

Finally, We Know What Happened To The Starburst Eating Analyst

Read in app
garrison the starburst eating analyst

For the past day or so here at at Clusterstock we've been concerned.

Obviously there's Knight Capital.

And Europe, you can't forget that.

But another thing occupying our minds has been a young analyst in Houston named Garrison who has risen to a challenge — a Wall Street eating challenge.

According to Dealbreaker, the young man said that for $500, he would eat 500 Starbursts over the course of 12 hours. At first we scoffed, but after some math we came to realize that this was indeed an eating challenge worthy of our attention.

And so we waited.

Then finally we heard from our friends at When In Finance that the deed had been done! 500 Starbursts eaten in 12 hours.

From When In Finance:

Over the course of the challenge, the stream had over 13,000 views, and supporters—including WhenInFinance—joined the chatroom to cheer on Garrison.

We watched Garrison go through the sugar highs like Buster Bluth drinking juice, and the sugar crashes where he was sad, stressed, and licking a pretzel. In the end, he completed the challenge in a flurry of confetti, wrapped himself in an American flag, and drank a beer.

He ended the chat saying “vom time…heads up for the squeamish”, stuck his fingers down his throat, and threw up on camera while holding up the Hook Em horns.

To you, young analyst, major props. Put some of those $500 toward a teeth cleaning at the dentist.

Read next

Linette was a senior correspondent at Business Insider who focused her writing on tech, finance and economics as well as international relations. She also conducted investigations into controversial companies, like Tesla.She joined BI in the summer of 2011 after graduating from Columbia University's School of Journalism and holds a BA from Columbia University, where she finished her undergraduate education in 2008.In 2017 she won the Folio 'Rising Star' award for top women in media. In 2020 she won the 'Excellence in Financial Journalism' Award in opinion writing from NYSSCPA for a piece on US-China relations, 'The Huawei indictment marks the end of US and China's cycle of trust.' In 2023 she won the New York Press Club award for commentary in digital journalism for a series of stories about the stock market's decline in 2022.She contributes to "Marketplace," a radio show from American Public Media, and can be seen on MSNBC and CNN.Some stories by Linette: