Cheslie Kryst's posthumous memoir, "By the Time You Read This," offers insight into the pageant queen's experience before winning Miss USA.
The book, released on Tuesday, was finished by Kryst's mother, April Simpkins, who said it was one of her daughter's final wishes before she died by suicide in January 2022.
Much of the book details Kryst's experience competing in pageants, which she began at the age of 14. She won Miss North Carolina USA in 2019 and began preparing for Miss USA while working full-time as a complex litigation attorney.
"Inspired by my bar prep methods, the approach I used for my Miss USA preparation was unforgivingly brutal," she wrote. "I worked myself to the bone."
Kryst detailed how she'd start every morning with a 5 a.m. workout, making it to her desk by 7 a.m. Lunch breaks were reserved for Miss North Carolina speaking engagements or practicing with her Miss USA interview coaches.
"This routine was exhausting and taxing on my body, my energy, and my mental state, but I'd been there before," Kryst wrote. "It wasn't much worse than shutting down my life to study for the bar for up to 10 hours each day."
"I prepared for every scenario, question, or surprise change I could think of," she added. "The only part I didn't prepare for was losing. I simply refused to carry that visual in my mind."
The preparation didn't ease up once Kryst arrived in Reno, Nevada, for Miss USA 2019.
"The Miss USA competition was far more than the television broadcast aired on finals night," she wrote in her memoir. "It was two long weeks of being on-site to acclimate to the time difference and weather, do promotional photoshoots and sponsor-related appearances, visit local destinations, shoot content for the night of the show, rehearse dance numbers, and take on the preliminary competition."
"The competition felt like weeks of being on your A game every moment of every day, and I was burnt out," she added.
But when it came time to walk on the Miss USA stage, Kryst said she felt like she was "walking on clouds and gazing down at life being played on fast-forward."
"In spite of my nervousness, standing in line and waiting to go onstage was one of the most blissful feelings I'd experienced during the entirety of the competition," she added. "There was a levity and carefree hopefulness in the air."
After fielding her final questions, which touched on the #MeToo movement and millennials, Kryst was named the new Miss USA.
"The audience erupted, every light in the theater flashed on, and my knees gave out," she recalled of the life-changing moment. "I'd dreamed of this scenario more than once, but my imagination never brought me past the winning announcement. I didn't know what was supposed to happen next."
It was a historic year for pageants as Miss Universe, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Miss America were all won by women of color. Kryst told Business Insider at the time that it was "surreal" to be part of such a milestone.
"I just think this is an important moment, and maybe people can carry this inspiration into other areas of their lives," she said.
Following Kryst's death, Simpkins shared that her daughter had high-functioning depression. In the preface of their book, she spoke directly to Kryst.
"My hope is that as people read your book — especially the parts where you shared what you were thinking and feeling behind the scenes of your work life and some of your most iconic achievements — they find themselves understanding and empathizing with you," Simpkins wrote.
"May people feel compelled to reevaluate where they are in life and seek balance and support for their own mental health."
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or has had thoughts of harming themself or taking their own life, get help. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress, as well as best practices for professionals and resources to aid in prevention and crisis situations. Help is also available through the Crisis Text Line — just text "HOME" to 741741. The International Association for Suicide Prevention offers resources for those outside the US.
