Nikkie de Jager, more commonly known as NikkieTutorials, is back on YouTube for the first time in weeks after coming out as transgender earlier this month.
The YouTuber uploaded a video titled "Responding To My Coming Out" on Tuesday, and explained within the first 60 seconds that she could best share her side of the story while doing her makeup. She called the process "makeup therapy," which she's done previously on her channel.
"For weeks I was struggling to decide what my next video should be because, how do you follow up a coming out video?" de Jager said. "I didn't know what to post after that. But there's one thing that has always helped me, even through my darkest times, and that is makeup."
Nikkie de Jager said she had no idea what to expect when uploading her coming out video
"That night of me uploading the video, I was the most anxious, the most nervous, the most stressed I have ever been in my life," de Jager said. "The feelings that went through my body, I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy."
She continued to say that she was scared to leave her house for two days after sharing the video, but was eventually relieved to find that people were mostly responding positively. According to the YouTuber, everyone from neighbors to lawmakers reached out to her. She even appeared on "The Ellen Show" to discuss her journey.
"If I could write a book from all the offers I got for a book deal, 'Harry Potter' would be nothing," de Jager joked.
The YouTuber also urged people to stop searching for her blackmailer
"First of all, I think we need to stop the witch hunt that I've been seeing going around," de Jager said.
"To be honest, I don't think that is your story to tell," she continued. "If anyone's going to have the right to tell more about these blackmailers, it's gonna be me. How I deal with the situation and what information I would like to share, at the end of the day, is my story."
De Jager then confirmed that she's found the name of her blackmailer with the help of police, and described them as a stranger to both her fans and herself. Still, she said she has no interest in outing them, as she knows it could potentially be damaging to their and their family's lives.
"I think in a way, they already got their punishment," de Jager said. "They now know that I know exactly who it is. And I think they're gonna have a little bit of that fear, that one day maybe their name is gonna leak to the press, and they're gonna feel exactly the same thing that I was feeling."
"But I think it is my right to determine if I want that name to come out or not," she said.
NikkieTutorials applied eye shadow in the colors of the transgender pride flag throughout her video
According to de Jager, she wanted her eyes to match her nails, which were painted blue and pink. However, she reversed the colors so that her left eyelid would be pink and her left nails would be blue.
Her final makeup look also included black winged eyeliner, deep lipstick, pink blush, and sparkling highlighter.
Representatives for Nikkie de Jager did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment.
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- Shane Dawson said he asked Kat Von D to stop sending him free makeup while working with Jeffree Star
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