At 13, Winston was already taller than me. I found this out at my wedding — my younger brother was also taller than my husband. We hadn't seen each other since our grandmother brought him to visit me in Asheville, North Carolina, four years earlier.
I was 16 when Winston was born, already on my way out of the house as he was coming into the world. His birth was a surprise, albeit a welcome one.
We had different childhoods
I was defiant but smart and transferred to a public school in my junior year when the prep school I attended didn't invite me to return at the end of 10th grade. I was eager to grow up and ready to be done — I ran away from home for a full week that fall.
Coming home, I wanted a way out — and when I set my mind to something, I do it. I finagled an early graduation by taking a class at the University of Pittsburgh for my final English credit and dropping my lunch period to take the mandatory fourth year of physical education. I was accepted to Chatham College, now Chatham University.
Winston was barely a year old when I graduated and prepared to move out of the house. Then, my parents moved to London during my freshman year, and we were on different continents. We had very different childhoods with very different parents.
As a kid in the '90s with two moms in an interracial relationship, my existence perplexed my peers. They asked how I was conceived and assumed that my Mama Casi, who died in April, was my biological mom because I look white. My moms split when I was 8, and my birth mom met my stepdad, Norman, Win's father.
My mom was 38 when she became pregnant with my brother. She had more life experience, which nurtured new perspectives on parenting. I went to multiple schools, whereas Win was homeschooled. I received an exceptional traditional education. Win was able to explore his interests in-depth and started his business, Black Dream Escape, before he turned 18.
We never spent much time living in the same place
We always lived in different places. While he was in London, I was in Pittsburgh. When I went to Leeds, the family returned to the US. I moved to Asheville and then to Portland, Oregon. When I came back to Pittsburgh, Win moved to Northern California with our parents. Now, I'm in Illinois, and Win, my mom, and Norman are in Pittsburgh.
A tense relationship with my parents led to long periods of estrangement, meaning that Win and I didn't have an opportunity to get to know each other until after my daughter was born in 2016 and our family began to heal. But it's hard to travel with three little kids, and my mother is now navigating a chronic illness, so we don't get together as often as we'd like.
Even so, we've gotten closer in recent years
After my ex-husband died, I began to make it a point to visit home more often. My grandmother is in her mid-90s, and I want to take advantage of the time we have. I've enjoyed the opportunity to get to know Win, who's an entrepreneurial and good-natured young adult. Now that we see each other more, my children love to see their "Tio Win."
We have different relationships with our mother, both of which include business partnerships. My mom works with Win on his business, while I've partnered with her on her fashion and home-goods enterprise, Mmmm, yes! Our differences have somehow intersected, and we now have more in common than I ever thought we would.
